a look back on unemployment

I never thought i’d end up here. Not after i finally got out. In part it was a constant growing up…my dad’s voice reminding me that graduation was my departure date- more or less (and graduation from college was a must). Not that he and my mother had my bags packed and waiting off stage to greet me once i had degree in hand. They weren’t particularly bothersome at all the year i stayed at home between graduating and preparing to leave for the peace corps. I didn’t even pay rent despite working a few jobs to pad my savings.

I guess dad knew, giddiness aside at – in his words- getting his wife back, that i wasn’t trying to sprout new roots and stay put or anything. I was as ready to leave as i’m sure my parents’ were to get their house back.

And it isn’t that i’ve been gainfully employed without break since then but…the only time i came home (until now) was right after the peace corps. And that stint lasted less than two months. Just long enough for me to see my sister married, buy a car, and drive off to dallas.

Subsequent stints of unemployment have sent me to my sister and brother-in-law’s house. Three kids and perpetual washing needs, we translated into more of an equitable trade-off. I felt less like a mooch- be it after hurricane Katrina (while i was trying ot figure out what to do) or after i finished my masters and hadn’t secured employment.

But this time…this ever lengthening bout…has sent me back to square one. Back under the roof of the people who loved me first and most in life. So here i am, a 36 year old grown ass-woman- at home. i choke on the very phrase because it is hard, damn near impossible to feel like a gorwn ass-woman when i’m borrowing the car and sleeping in the single bed in the office. Instead i feel more like my old self- circa 16- when i was oh-so-certain that when i was “grown” there’d be no looking back.

I was wrong.

And this isn’t to disparage my parents. Quite the contrary, the only thing better than my parents in my current situation would be gainful employment .they neither nag nor make me feel guilty. They are supportive and loving. So all the issues and hangups within this little blog- well those are mine, all mine. And i claim them. Because this is a blog for my current tribe- those returned to their childhood homes because life is dealing them an unemployed hand at the moment (and are lucky enough to have folks willing and able to take them in).  if you are part of my tribe or simply want to be reminded why you are thankful you are not…this was for you.

Tags: transition, work