i was determined today. late night be damned. today i was going to class. so when i rolled out of bed later than i anticipated i didn’t let breakfast…er…lunch, or the need for it, deter me. instead i putzed around the house for a while, got dressed and headed into the surprisingly warm noon day.
class started off pleasantly enough. but we were only warming up. shimmy pop – unlike the technical class – is all about cardio. my heart hates me. and today she saved up all her frustration with my sedentary lifestyle and mocked me with it.
never mind how i looked – i felt like i was going to die. and it wasn’t any one thing. there was the lightheaded dizziness i assume came from not feeding myself. there was the potential for an ungraceful collision with one of my classmates. and of course, the most likely, my vengeful heart exploding in my chest to spite me for so little exercising use.
i was the slow person in the class. the one who bends over periodically to catch her breath, the one who follows the movements in their most basic incarnation to appear to avoid the embarrassment of being perfectly still (although everyone can see the slow motion in the back).
and of course there was the coordination…the actual dancing part. taken separately, i move ok. it is the combination of movements that throws me off. but who could focus on that when my lungs refused to do their job of retrieving air.
but i made it. horribly sad looking but…i have to start somewhere.
so imagine my surprise when dressing this afternoon – imagine my surprise at how graceful i appear to myself in my mirror. my arms moving to whatever my ipod spit out, my pelvis riding a rhythm i wasn’t even thinking about. it is how i see others when they dance…how i seldom see myself.
of course, i can’t take it too seriously. everyone who has been to my house knows my mirror is magic. it elongates your limbs, slims your sides. nothing so drastic as a carnival fun house but oh it is a forgiving piece of warped glass. so maybe its magic has expanded, its powers have moved to movement.
no matter…i’ll be back in class this week…sweating and palpitating (albeit well fed as i won’t make that mistake again). and maybe one day the magic of my mirror will infect mirrors everywhere and i’ll be graceful in a place other than my own mind.