it is so easy for me to get caught up in where i’m GOING to be instead of focusing on where i am NOW. this is the dilemma i find myself facing now. with employment settled and not much else i find the days dragging by so slowly. all of a sudden what used to seem to be the endless speeding by of weeks seems to be going backward. “how can it only be wednesday when i swear yesterday was thursday!?”
and even as i lament all the stuff i’m “gonna” do real soon i am trying to slow down and appreciate the moments here…giving my nieces baths, tussling with them in the den, carrying CCF on my back, trying to teach AFF new things, counting the number of times MVF spits up on me.
equally, my time with my sister and her hubby…they have been amazing hosts. they opened not just their doors but their lives to me, inviting me into the daily treasures of domestic life in a very comfortable way. i’ll miss our strange conversations at 11pm or discussions after reading the paper or watching something on television. i’ll miss spontaneous meals with these people who enjoy good food and good company.
and i will miss just having my family in close proximity…close enough to appreciate them as more than family and into the realm of friendship. tonight i sat up with my dad until about 1:30 talking about the world, marriage and love, tax cuts…i talked to my dad less as daughter and more friend (a luxury my “growness” has allowed me in recent years). such conversations are spontaneous and hard to schedule over phone lines. i spend so much time “away” i know how precious all this is…
even so i find myself on craigslist filing away addresses of my potential home, scrounging for possible furniture within my budget, dreaming of the things i’ll do and friends i’ll make. no matter how hard i try to be here i find myself most often “there”. i’ll keep working on it though, “there” will be here before i even realize.
Tags: family, transition