i’m not a religious person so it may seem a strange thing to struggle with…but i was brought up in a religious family. and my ideals haven’t strayed far from where they started. so grace isn’t foreign to me.

i think of grace as a gift we are wish to receive and as such should be willing to give.

but right now i’m not being very gracious.

the whole world is mourning micheal jackson and i find myself bitter. bitter that he is being honored without any real mention of his misdeeds. as if in death he has managed to shed any guilt or affiliation with inappropriate acts with children.

and who am i to judge? dead now, why does it matter?

only, i can’t imagine being one of those children and seeing the face of the man who did things to to me and the world singing his praises, crying for his passing, honoring his memory.

and it makes me angry. and a little sick.

only that isn’t gracious.

we all have our demons. we all have the misdeeds that make us human. the ones we aspire to learn from so we can be better people. and today, next year, or on my death bed, i would hate to be held to the worst incarnation of myself and not the moment i was able to get myself together and be a better me.

grace is a gift i want for myself…

but i struggle, maybe unfairly. i’m angry that americans have pencil memories. angry that as we celebrate the passing of a pop icon that we have removed him from human dimensions and made him conveniently infallible.

we are doing that. as media. as fans.

and yet i blame michael.

so i’m working on that. working to offer grace to a man in death that i don’t know. a troubled man now gone. i’m working to extend the gift i hope others will extend to me always as i struggle to be a better person.

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