Dreams are a funny thing. Not just the lofty goals I set for myself, but the groggy nighttime visions that sometimes visit me while I sleep. I’ve been having all kinds of strange dreams these days. I remember them briefly when I wake up…like a passing introduction at a crowded party – and then, poof, they are gone. In turn I am left with a vague feeling that I am supposed to be doing something or saying something. But I don’t. until the next night when sleep assaults me with visions and I repeat the same cycle.
Last morning I changed up a little bit. All of a sudden I was adamant about remembering my nighttime movie. And I did…kind of…
It had something to do with change. I was a white man in a car, or maybe it was a truck, and then I dug out a car from the brush, like I was making a get-away, and then I was a black woman. And I think I had kids.
Ahh sweet clarity. Only it wasn’t clear. Or rather, it isn’t clear.
I’m no clearer about what my subconscious is telling me than I was when I couldn’t remember my dreams at all.
And I could make all sorts of educated guesses. Maybe it was about change… I am in the midst of change – as I usually am. I’m about to take a trip to Sri Lanka (I haven’t even packed yet!) and I’m starting a new semester soon. Next year I’ll be in another country where I don’t know anyone and after that who knows?!
All the guesses in the world don’t mean I understand any better. But somewhere in my brain crowded with movie quotes, commercial jingles and public health facts, I also hear the voice of wise friend of mine. She reads tarot cards and was quite good because her approach was never to tell me my future. She used to ask me questions to figure out what was going on in my mind at that time and then get me to answer them myself. It was like a quick therapy session with props. I might lead off with something like a bad workday or a crappy diet, but she’d get to the heart of it.
But I digress – the reason I brought up the tarot cards is because I feel like my dreams are the same way. Maybe my brain isn’t trying to work things out in my sleep –maybe dreams are just a tool for me to work out things in my head while I’m awake.
Tags: me-ness