"I know one thing: this is no time for further gambling. John McCain rolled the dice on Sarah Palin. I’m grateful to Bob Rice of Tangent Capital for pointing out that the actuarial risk, based on mortality tables, of Palin becoming president if the Republican ticket wins the election is about 1 in 6 or 7.
That’s the same odds as your birthday falling on a Wednesday, or being delayed on two consecutive flights into Newark airport. Is America ready for that? "
New York Times Opinion
Well before the sun roused from slumber my parents had kissed me goodbye – morning breath and all –and were on the road home. I’m not stranger to goodbye, but for the most part I’m the one that is usually saying it. I think that is why I’m taking their departure so hard.
I’ve never been prone to homesickness – not acutely anyway. I enjoy my family but wherever I’m headed usually grabs my hand and drags me along to experience newness and excitement that shelters me from dwelling on their absence.
But my apartment felt empty this morning with the last subtle signs of my mom’s tidying up and my dad’s hammer handiwork on my walls. All that was left was the neatly made bed and a cute thank you note tucked into the frame on my dresser.
More than anyplace, the bay area has made being single comfortable. I often have plans and options for things to do that aren’t just something to do but something interesting that I want to do. But having bodies at home to greet me…having bodies that love me at home to greet me…is a lovely feeling. One I took for granted when I lived at home.
My folks joked with me last night that they were getting out of my space before they work out their welcome. I think a tiny part of them might believe a tiny part of that is true. But the truth is I enjoyed having them here, they more than any place, are my home.
an ample woman, she shimmied her way to the pillow on the floor, smoothed the ruffles of her clothes and with the rustling settled, she looked as comfortable as always. she had a smile on her face that would have been haughty if i didn't know her well enough that mostly it was curious mischievousness.
she had never had ethiopian food before. she had never eaten with her hands. but even with (her then) 70 plus years behind her she was game to try.
that was my aunt B. fearless. audacious. and more fun than i could have ever anticipated.
she left me today. and as sad as her passing is, my memories of her are so joyous. so raucous. so full of laughter and joking and warmth.
i saw her on friday. the previous time i'd seen her she'd slept the whole time – not like her at all- and it upset me. but friday she was lucid. she was giving me a hard time, mock anger that melted to acquiecence when i prodded her on why she was mad. we laughed. we watched tv. and when i left i kissed her on her neck the way my grandmother – her sister- always did me growing up.
i told her i loved her and left smiling.
i like that vision as my goodbye…she was an amazing woman – i hope to embody the best of her as my life moves forward…
Tags: family, transition
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the santa cruz boardwalk is a spectacular place to eat bad funnel cake and people watch. Under the intense sun back-dropped by a swimming pool blue sky I discovered that back tattoos – lingering between the shoulder blades – are the new “in” tattoo for young women and people surreptitiously sip beer on the beach from banned glass bottles.
And there are the rides. I’ve never been to a boardwalk that had anything to offer beyond…well…boards. But there were a myriad of rides including my favorite – the upshot (that I affectionately named the most fun you can have with your legs in the air!) which sent me sailing into the air repeatedly with no warning.
And there was the mystery spot. I’m still trying to figure out if it is simply an optical illusion or if there is some strange thing going on. I stood on the edge of a table and leaned way over without bending any part of my body…and yet felt like something was pushing me up, I watched water roll uphill, and people seemed to lose inches – sometimes feet- in height. Well worth the $5 entrance fee (plus $5 parking).
That was only Saturday. Sunday I found myself winding lazily toward the one of the higher points on berkeley’s campus with a sprawling view of the bay replete with skylines, bridges, and water. Blue birds chased each other and the sun warmed my skin – a welcome feeling for the last few weeks in the bay.
From there we wound leisurely toward napa without a real plan in effect. We stopped just short of the bridge marking the way to sacramento and had a delightful time talking with friends and watching the river flow by. Another flawless day with the sun kissing my skin and good company.
The bay area is expensive and there are times when writing a check or pricing something hurts me in a special southern kind of way. But even as I write that I know that what I have access to – the world I enjoy here – makes it as worthwhile as any place I’ve lived.
it has been three weeks since i last visited the gym. life got in the way in so many little ways. and last night, after work, although my intentions were pure and my gym bag hung over my shoulder, i still found myself watching friends instead of working out.
so i went to bed early…before 10pm…and this morning, much to my chagrin, woke up without an alarm clock at around 4:30. i tossed and turned in bed for half an hour before picking up the computer to see when the gym opens. i’ll be leaving shortly to try out an early morning workout. i haven’t done one of these since volleyball season of 1993!
as it is…i hope i can make this a habit. there are some classes i’d love to hit in the evenings but in terms of getting it done and out of the way…getting my cardio together and not having to pick between social life and healthy life…mornings might have to be my new routine.
Tags: fitness
it doesn’t go away…it doesn’t fade…it doesn’t transform into some lesser thing. love remains…after misunderstandings and missed opportunities – beyond cultural borders and emotional boundaries…love remains.
now what’s to be done with it once its time has passed – its potential for taking center stage quietly overlooked or taken for granted?
we bury. we layer.
layers upon layers of new love. new loves.
new faces and passions and journeys to the center of self. new love lending an amnesiac kiss to aid the forgetting.
and so we forget. layer new love on old. love anew.
forgetting until we remember. remembering until we forget.
Tags: friends, me-ness, transition
it was a moment in history. the audience swelled far beyond the 75,000 crowded into a stadium. i think maybe the whole world watched…at the very least more than one would imagine under normal circumstances.
and if he wasn’t the poet he usually his he was the stong figure people have questioned he can be.
and though i wasn’t standing at mile high stadium…i looked on as one audacious man and a crowd of audacious supporters – some reluctant and others relentless- ushered in history.
Tags: politics
i’m not exactly sure when my philosophy on travel changed. my assumption, without much thought, is that it was in peace corps. i got used to two things…having plans fall apart mid execution, and having other people make the plans in the first place. either way…the results were interesting. i didn’t always know what would come next and i usually had a horrible that morphed into a great story later (like almost getting shot at the taxi rank in south africa) or just an all around great time, like gorilla trekking in uganda.
a friend of mine is in town and today’s plans (which i didn’t have a great handle on to begin with) didn’t pan out as anticipated. we were headed to see chihuly’s glass exhibit at the legion of honor…only that isn’t where it was (they only had three of his works). so after a sumptuous but overpriced dim sum brunch we took the wrong bus to the wrong place (were forced to get a cab) only to get back into a cab that took us back to basically where we had started.
after wandering around the exhibit (with PC who i lured out to the wrong spot) we took a wrong turn that meandered us through the botanical gardens near the museum. a complete circle. i managed to stop and look and touch things (as i am prone to do) despite our quick pace. finally out…at the exact spot we entered…and we got the bus to powell for some ice cream and shopping.
all in all it wasn’t what i had anticipated but i had a grand time.
it made me think though…people have different expectations of travel and despite speaking the same language often we are using different tongues. my friend Kindred feels the need to fill my every waking hour when i visit her. if i spend too much time puttering around her house (even if she isn’t home) it makes her nervous. after years we’ve finally reached a compromise – she picks one major thing for us to do at some point.
i enjoy that and wouldn’t want it to change but i have tried to explain to her that if something is calling to me…i’ll let her know. and if not – i’m fine. but see, that’s the way i travel…after all, she planned our trip to the gorillas. of course when she has come to visit me we don’t do much. mostly eat because that is what makes me giddy. i think i’m just starting to discover that people may say the same words and infer very different meaning.
my friend JC came to visit me a few months ago – i told him to make a list of what he wanted to do and i’d try to make it happen. he did…and i did. we found the proper translation. i’m going to have to figure out a translator for any other visitors because i like people visiting and i want them to have a great time, to anticipate coming back…but we don’t always speak the same language.
hope palin and reality
I lamented to R today that this election, with all of the hype on hope, was exhausting.
He responded:
well, it’s supposed to be tiring… hope takes work. if the election were
a foregone conclusion, then instead of hope there’d just be expectation.
that doesn’t require any effort at all. 🙂
I hadn’t thought about it like that…but he’s right. And the work part explains why so many folks had given up on the idea of hope. So much work with no assurance it won’t be for naught. Hope is a scary thing.
At work we got into a mini banter about politics and this election. A younger colleague – very much a supporter of obama – chimed in that if he loses she will never hope in anything as much again. And while part of me wanted to be as removed from disappointment as she is – I can see very clearly a world that would elect mccain/palin despite every piece of evidence that mounts an argument against either of their abilities to lead this nation anywhere except on our continued express route to hell.
For palin, it isn’t about her children. Although I don’t think she is qualified I do believe all the banter about her motherly “duties” are sexist. She has a husband – and if he is lacking I’m sure she can afford daycare on her vice presidential salary (no one is asking obama about his kids). But even with that off the table there is plenty that makes her a bad choice.
She’s so pro-life that the mother’s life ceases to be of any importance. She is for off shore drilling as the final solution and not as a stopgap. She has an ethics charge (abuse of power) pending against her (with some skeletons in her closet regarding a similar abuse of power when she was mayor). And when asked – on camera about being vice president – she responded that she’d be happy to take the job if someone could explain what it is they do.
As for mccain. He picked her. All other things aside…his inability to distinguish Shiite from Sunni. His self proclaimed ignorance on the economy (combined with his notion of middle class – which illustrated how removed he is from reality). And his desire to keep the war going as long as it can possibly drag itself out…all of those things scream decisions I can’t get on board with.
Add to them sarah palin. His first major decision in the spotlight and he didn’t even bother to vet his vice president properly (even with a 6 month head start). If nothing else that speaks volumes that I hope America is paying attention to.
The thing is…I’m not sure America is listening. And that is why I won’t be surprised if this election doesn’t turn out like I think it should. All my audacious hard work of hoping may come to some ridiculous end…but that’s no reason not to hope anyway. After all…it can’t be done if we don’t try…if we don’t weigh our “practicality” that it can’t against our hope that it can…
Tags: politics, socialcommentary