it is small and vulnerable…the fragility of an exposed nerve or the fluff of dandelions. one wrong move or wayward breath and it scatters to the wind. that is the nature of hope. of belief.

holding my breath as the results come in on CNN and i am at once terrified and relieved. terrified that he could win. obama could have the chance to fail. what if he isn’t the man we see, we dream, we dare to trust with our fantasies of a better world, a brighter way.

and then relief. he is still standing strong, riding momentum and creating a movement all at once. relieved that success is not beyond his reach, not merely the destination of my sleeping brain.

i’ve never hoped like this before. not in a person i didn’t know, wasn’t vested in on some personal level. i find myself with shallow breathing as he answers questions, talks about an american future that he may very well lead.

and it scares me. its a little like falling in love. learning to trust in those early months. the initial panic waiting for tragedy to strike, unforeseen realities to emerge, warts to appear where before there was only smooth skin.

i never grasped how protective my cynicism was. tough armor against a reality of disappointment and failure. and so i venture out now…with trepidation. i venture out now and engage in discourse and barely contained excitement for a man i know only in words and pictures. and i give to him my delicate and ephemeral hopes praying that they need not be either, that they can instead be resilient and lasting.

i dare to dream, my hope is audacious.

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